I got blocked by a fb "friend" the other day. I was out and about with my husband and a friend. I am inexperienced with texting and I was responding on my phone to a fb post. Because of 1) being distracted with going and doing and socializing, and 2) being, as I said, inexperienced with texting, my comment was blunt. I knew, even as I submitted it, that it was a poor idea.
The guy had been irking me for a while. Generally, we agree (that the world needs more love, that the current political climate is less than ideal, etc) and overall, I appreciate him and his efforts to make a difference - but sometimes he is very negative and that bothers me. That particular day, he was being negative toward women. I don't know what had led to his post but he was clearly miffed.
His post was something to the effect that when he says that women are stupid for being satisfied with only having 20% representation in congress, how dare women tell him to shut up. He further said that women say "it is a good step" and that such an attitude will get us nothing. It was a bit more scathing, as I recall.
I realized he was reacting to some interchange I was not privy to. But when I saw a string of followers egging him on, I felt I must speak up and say the "emperor has no clothes". Hence, my blunt, and yes, rude comment: "I find your attitude regarding this arrogant, condescending and defeatist" or something like that.
At that point I was the only naysayer. He, Joseph, was offended and quickly lashed back calling me aggressive and rude and oh, I don't remember what all, and demanding I explain myself. So I did. I fell short of apologizing for being, yes, rude, altho, I really feel that calling someone rude is quite rude in itself. I also failed to acknowledge his pain by saying I was sorry someone had told him to shutup, that surely we could all do better than that.
Ok, so I explained that having 20% representation is indeed a good step in the right direction, how difficult it is for women, who, in the big picture, only recently have been allowed to vote, much less represent, how chastising us for feeling good about our progress is not making anything better.
Meanwhile, other women chimed in, and Joseph with his mighty keyboard, shred us all to bits, never acknowledging one thing anyone said, always scorning and berating.
I stuck up for one woman. I said that everything she had said was in direct response to his own statement and that I found her argument sound.
And.. meanwhile he had gone on to further denounce and insult - me in particular and all "women like me" in general.
I said something to the effect of: 1) Listen to women 2) Support women. If you want more of us to stand up and go for public office, rather than chastise us for not meeting your quota, get out there and clear the way. Trust me, you have no idea what it is to be a woman or what we are up against.
All this time I was fretting over the fact I was simply arguing with him and not working on keeping the peace. Shortly after the last post, I arrived home and went straight to my computer so I could send Joseph a message saying that I did not know what had inspired his first post but that I wanted to apologize for calling him arrogant and that we all truly want the same thing so let's work together in harmony.
Too late. I was blocked. I went to his twitter page to see if I could find a way to send him a personal message, just to apologize and say what I had intended to and should have said in the beginning. Not to get unblocked, necessarily, but just to do the right thing. I could not find a way to contact him privately.
This morning, this unfinished business was still bothering me, so I went once again to Joseph's twitter feed, thinking "you know, we must all get along as best we can and if those of us who share common beliefs can not be civil to one another, then what hope do we have?" So I went there intending to just post something on his feed like "Let us all honor each other" or... heck, I dunno, I figured something profound would manifest..
When I opened his twitter page, this is the post he had most recently done:
"I'm so tired of people who do nothing but complain!"
Which really set me back on my heels. This has long been my greatest complaint (silent but seething) about Joseph!
Ay, madre mia! So I recoiled. And here it is, all vomited out for your perusal.
Now what? Perhaps something profoundly peaceful and simple and apropos will come to me and I can go make my little gesture.
Ah, life, you little fox, you trickster.... you make me smile.
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