My mother was not around much in my life, and yet she made a powerful impact. At 59 years old, I am still just realizing how much she taught me.
My mother, Muriel, was an intelligent, striking, sassy, outrageous, sometimes drunken, often angry, outspoken born-again atheist, anti fascism redhead. She was passionately loving, hauntingly cool, fiercely vengeful... wow. Just, wow.
My first memory is of arriving at my grandmother's house with my sister and my father when I was two - almost three. I have no early memory of my mother, but I do remember my father telling me how beautiful she was - and how evil. Later, he added the term crazy to that assessment. Ah.... well, then.
Since this post is about my mother, let's skip forward: One day, when I was about 7, my sister and I were living with "Aunt Lou" and Pete, who were actually, my grandmother's tenant's sister and her husband. Aunt Lou got a phone call then came into the living room quite upset and told us to comb our hair, that our father was coming. She was muttering about people who just show up without warning.
A few minutes later, Daddy arrived. He had with him, totally unannounced, a woman. They came in and sat on the sofa. I kept looking at that woman, thinking I knew her, that surely, she was my mother. I had never seen a picture of her but there was just something about her. She kept looking back at me like "yeah, that's right". And what a look in her eye! She had the most amazing eyes - piercing and intense and sparkling with fire and brilliance.
Lesson 1) It is never too late to show up.
We left with Mother and Daddy to go live in Williams Arizona (where we had lived with Daddy before). Daddy had a gas station and motel there called the Red Bluff. Mother took over doing all the maid service at the motel. She also pumped gas and did whatever was needed.
One night we were there late and some people came in looking for a room. Daddy told them all the rooms were full. They said they were bone weary and had tried everywhere. My mother called some of the other motels and discovered there was indeed no room to be had. The weather was severe and everyone had taken shelter. My father told the people there was nothing he could do but my mother said yes there was. She went and got our rollaway cots that we used when there were too many people for a room. She got my father and the bookkeeper to clear away the furniture in the office and put those cots in and added some blankets on the floor and put those people up for the night.
And that was lesson 2) We take care of each other.
As a semi-orphan and the youngest, my life had included a lot of second class treatments. For instance, every year, my sister, Elizabeth got a new swim suit and I got her old one. So this year, Daddy took us to the fancy schmancy store and let Elizabeth pick out a new suit. I begged Daddy to look at the suit I loved and consider it but he brushed me aside, made his purchase and home we went. Elizabeth was so proud - and, of course, she did not miss her chance to lord it over me. Mother admired her suit and then asked "Where is Rita's new suit?" Upon being told that "Rita did not need one", as Elizabeth's old suit would do just fine, Mother said "Come on, Rita, let's go." We got into her new blue Chevy Corvair and drove to the fancy schmancy store and Mother bought me the AWESOME swim suit I had longed for- a two piece, black, white and red, with a little pleated white skirt.
Lesson 3) I am worthy.
So there we were, with our fine new suits. One day, at the Red Bluff Mother sent us next door with a friend to the motel that had a pool. We played around in the shallow end and eventually, Mother came by to join us. She was astonished to find that we were just bobbing around in the kiddie section because, inconceivably, we could not swim. Remarking that a fancy swim suit in the shallow end was just not gonna cut it, Mother jumped into the pool, summoned us and matter of factly taught us to swim.
Lesson 4) Just do it.
One night we went to our school's big gala. When my parents got dressed to go, my mother put on her skin tight cowgirl jeans, a sexy sweater that showed off her Jayne Mansfield type endowment, some sparkly earrings that accentuated her sparkly rhinestone trimmed glasses, makeup and a black hat that was almost like a wig. My father threw a fit because my mother was dressing too sexy for the people in the town and what would they say. My mother told him that this was who she was and that she could not dress like someone else, for God's sake, just deal with it. So he did. We went and I was so proud of her, the most ravishing, beautiful woman there.
Lesson 5) Just be yourself, for God's sake.
My sister got into trouble at school one day. Her teacher slapped her. Hitting children in Arizona schools was simply par for the course. But when my mother learned of my sister's incident, she beelined it to the classroom and confronted that teacher. We waited in the hall. We heard a ruckus and my mother emerged, steaming mad, took us by the hand and we left. This is what we heard: "I slapped her because I did not like her attitude. It's as simple as that" SMACK "I don't like your attitude. It is as simple as that". Shortly after we arrived home, the police came and arrested Mother for assault on a public - I forget - servant? My father said "We will just see about that" and off he went to chat with his friend, the mayor. My mother was released within 20 minutes of being booked.
Lesson 6) Stand up for human rights. It's ok, we got your back.
One day, on the way to the Red Bluff after school, I stopped at the dime store. That store was chock full of stuff. Today, there was something AWESOME. An auburn haired baby doll in a blue taffeta dress. Her eyes closed when you leaned her back. I simply had to have that baby doll. I looked at the price: $5.00, which, in about 1961, was, in Full Monty terms, "a lot - a very lot". I went to the gas station and found my father and said "Daddy?" "What" he gruffly muttered, as he worked on taking apart a split rim tire to patch it. "Can I have five dollars?" "What?" He put down the tire iron. "Why on earth do you need five dollars?" "I want to buy a baby doll." That set off a chain of cussing and spitting and ranting about what had this world come to - five dollars for a baby doll! - which was interrupted by my mother's arrival. "What is going on?" she asked. Daddy said that "Rita wants five dollars for a baby doll". "Come on", my mother said, taking my hand, let's go see this five dollar doll.
We went and she lifted the doll down for me to hold. When she saw me melt with love for this "baby girl" she said "Well. I reckon you have to have that doll, and we went up to the counter where she bought her for me.
Lesson 7) A girl needs what a girl needs. Men don't always get that.
Yeah, so this is kind of a highlight reel. My mother taught me some sad stuff too. And so much more. But one thing she taught me was - all things in their own time - and today is my 25th wedding anniversary so now I am off to play with my pal. Tune in again, for some political savvy and other stuff my mother taught me.
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